It’s October, but with global warming extending summer in New York, I’m in denial about winter coming. Even Jon Snow couldn’t convince me otherwise—I was wearing sandals just yesterday. Logically, I know snow is inevitable, but I’ve ignored the chilly days that hint at its arrival. If I’m this oblivious about a season change, you might also miss signs that your relationship is over. And that’s completely normal. The stakes are much higher when it comes to your heart.

Just like saying goodbye to summer, ending a long-term relationship can be difficult. Scratch that; it can be devastating. It might mean lying in bed for three days without showering, crying so hard you almost puke, and feeling like the world is ending. Dramatic, I know. But haven’t we all been there? Naturally, we try to avoid the signs that our relationship is over. Endings suck.

On the other hand, staying in an unfulfilling relationship is unhealthy too. True, you might avoid an emotional explosion in bed with Oreos and wine—because who needs a palate when you’re heartbroken—but you’ll suffer in smaller ways day to day. You know those grumpy older married couples who seem to hate each other? Yeah, that’s probably not #goals.

Here are four signs that your relationship is over that you may be missing:

1. You Don’t Trust Your Partner

Of all the feelings in the world, this is one of the worst. When you suspect your partner is being unfaithful or sketchy in interactions with an ex or a coworker, it’s easy to drive yourself crazy. (Especially because Google is always within reach.)

“In any relationship, it is normal to have a healthy amount of suspicions,” says Alessandra Conti, celebrity matchmaker at Matchmakers In The City, “But, if you wake up every day with a sinking feeling that he is cheating on you, you sneak through his texts on the daily… this is not a healthy amount of suspicion.”

Whether or not your partner is actually cheating, the lack of trust isn’t ideal. You don’t want to spend your days wondering why he’s been listening to RiRi’s “Unfaithful” on repeat. Maybe it’s just his new running song? The best relationships are based on trust, so prioritize it.

2. You Don’t Make Time For Each Other Anymore

After the initial sparks fade, you and your partner won’t be obsessed with spending every moment together, but if you both consistently choose other obligations, activities, or people over spending quality time together, your relationship might be fading.

However, don’t turn into a relationship nihilist just yet: “Before unilaterally calling it quits, have a talk with [your partner] letting [them] know that you want to spend more quality time with [them], and see how [your partner] implements this constructive feedback,” says Conti. By itself, this sign doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship is over, but when combined with other signs, it’s a major red flag.

3. You Feel Judged By Your Partner

The best part about having an SO is having someone who’s wholly on Team You. You, in turn, should be your partner’s biggest cheerleader. This is a mark of a healthy relationship. Even if you occasionally nag or get embarrassed by your partner’s quirks, like wearing weird feet gloves on a hike, if you’re supportive overall, your relationship is okay.

On the other hand, if your partner consistently puts you down, take this as a major sign it’s time to exit the relationship. Why be with someone who thinks it’s okay to make you feel less than? Your partner “should make you feel like you are the most incredible woman in the world,” says Conti. They should feel lucky you are committed to them. Judgment is base, so don’t settle for it.

4. Your Partner Is Controlling

This should be non-negotiable. However, a friend’s experience has opened my eyes to how difficult and dangerous it can be to break up with a controlling or abusive partner. (If you feel unsafe in your relationship, The Hotline is a great resource.)

Control does not necessarily mean abuse, though. If you feel like you need your partner’s permission to do certain things, take notice. “If you feel like your every move is being judged, or like [they are] monitoring your every behavior, or blowing up if you do not text back within the hour, these can lead to something more dangerous in the future,” says Conti. Again, if you are in danger, reach out to a trusted source.

At the end of the day, there’s no magical way of predicting the exact moment a relationship should be declared “over.” All you can do is ask yourself, “Do I feel happy in this relationship?” If the answer is “not really” or even a flat-out “f*ck no,” ask yourself why. Identifying why you are unhappy can help you realize it’s time to move on. Remember, breakups suck, but they’re not forever. Sending all the hugs!