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I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve over-analyzed a text thread, tried to decipher the hidden meaning behind a message, or sensed a relationship issue from a strange text. Since we send countless texts every day, much of our communication with loved ones happens via text. If you’re in a relationship, texting with your partner is likely a routine part of your day. But if your partner suddenly changes their texting habits, could this be a sign they’re cheating on you?
I spoke to Elle Huerta, CEO and founder of the breakup app Mend, about this. She emphasizes that texting isn’t the clearest way to communicate with your partner. “Texting lacks a lot of the context of an in-person conversation—eye contact, body language, tone of voice. So it’s only one piece of the puzzle,” she says. If you suspect your partner has feelings for someone else or is unhappy in your relationship, your text thread with them can offer clues. While analyzing their latest emoji choices might be tempting, Huerta suggests trusting your gut if you suspect something is off.
“Your gut is a built-in mechanism evolved to keep you safe. It’s important to listen to your inner compass if something feels off,” Huerta says. Communicating your concerns and suspicions over text is possible, but texts can be misinterpreted. It’s often better to talk in person. Huerta agrees, “If you feel like something is off or different based on your text conversations, it’s a clear sign you should talk about it in person.” So, if you notice any of the following changes in your texting habits with your partner, it might be time for a face-to-face chat about what’s really going on.
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1. Changes in Timing
Imagine your partner used to text you a sweet goodnight message, but suddenly starts texting you the next morning saying they “fell asleep, sorry.” Or they usually text you when they get off work, first thing in the morning, or during their lunch break. If there’s a sudden change in the timing of their texts throughout the day, it could mean something has disrupted or changed their routine. This isn’t necessarily due to another person, but it’s worth checking in with them to see what’s up.
2. Changes in Frequency
In the early stages of your romance, you probably texted back and forth all day long, and sometimes even all night. Now that you’re settled in a relationship, the frequency of your texts might have decreased. However, if there’s a sudden drop-off in communication, it could indicate something’s going on with them. An unexpected increase in texting frequency is also noteworthy—if your partner is suddenly texting you all day, they might be overcompensating for something.
3. Changes in Tone
If I get a terse, perfunctory text from a friend who’s usually flowery and emoji-happy, I instantly wonder if they’re upset. So, if your partner suddenly stops calling you “babe” in texts, it might catch your eye. If your usually conversational texts with your partner become transactional, like “Dinner reservation is 8:15,” it could feel odd. A change in tone could signify a change in their attitude towards you, so take note if this happens.
While these changes in texting habits aren’t a guarantee that your partner is cheating, they are notable shifts in their communication with you. It’s worth bringing them up. Ultimately, the best indication that your partner might be cheating is your intuition. So, even if none of these texting red flags occur, don’t forget to trust your gut.
