After a breakup, it’s normal to feel down and believe you’ll never find anyone you love as much. You might spend days, weeks, or even months listening to Adele’s “Someone Like You” and clinging to memories like a sweater that still smells of your ex. But when do these feelings become too much? At some point, you need to ask: Am I still in love with them? Instead of sleepless nights trying to figure it out, here are six signs that indicate you might not be over your ex.

Note: These signs don’t mean you’ll never get over your ex or that you should try to get back together. It’s a complicated topic, so consider discussing your feelings with a friend or therapist before making any decisions.

1. It’s Been a Long Time, and You’re Still Thinking About Them You might have heard that it takes about half the length of the relationship to recover from a breakup. While there’s some truth to that, the actual time it takes varies based on the relationship’s intensity and your role in it. If it’s been years since a short relationship ended and you still feel attached, it might be time to seek professional help.
2. People Are Tired of Hearing You Talk About Them It’s natural to mention your ex occasionally after a breakup. However, if you constantly find reasons to bring them up and talk about shared experiences, it’s a sign you’re not over them. Pay attention to feedback from friends, family, and new romantic partners. If they think it’s a problem, it probably is.
3. You’ve Been in Other Relationships but Still Feel Bound to Your Ex Starting a new relationship can help you move on, but if you’re always comparing your new partner to your ex or squashing feelings for someone new because it’s too scary, it indicates you’re still attached to your ex.
4. Your Ex Is the First Person You Think of When Upset After dating someone for a while, you rely on them for emotional support. Post-breakup, you need to find new sources of care. If you think of your ex first when you’re anxious or upset, even before close friends or family, it might mean you still have feelings for them.
5. You Can’t See Anything Negative in the Relationship Even the best relationships have flaws. If you can’t realistically evaluate the negative aspects of your past relationship, it’s a sign you’re not over your ex. Being able to acknowledge both the good and bad parts of the relationship is a step toward moving on.
6. You’re Really Busy, Yet Feel Like Something’s Missing Staying active and setting new goals is important when grieving a relationship. If your life is full of activities like training for a marathon, socializing with friends, and volunteering, yet you still feel a void and long for your ex, your feelings might be stronger than you realize.

By recognizing these signs, you can better understand your emotions and take steps toward healing. Remember, it’s okay to seek help and talk about your feelings as you navigate this challenging time.